Wow, I just re-read my last blog post and gee did that burn. I could feel the bitterness and resentment oozing from the page like the aftermath of a vindaloo.
Where on Earth did all that sourness come from?
Taking a wild guess I’d say lack of Self Love and the need to project my crap onto others in order to make myself feel “right”, “safe” and “ok”. Hmm. Not sure that’s really working for me. Maybe it’s time to try a different tack.
I’m currently in the UK staying with my folks, but before I left for this trip, Jacqueline Harrison (author of the soon to be released book How To Create A Business From Nothing – and the reason I’m writing this blog), offered me some advice. She very lovingly (and probably with some trepidation since reading my last blog post) invited me to consider something that she warned “may hit me between the eyes.” She invited me to consider that no matter what it may look or sound like (to me), that my parents love and approve of me 100%. She also offered the idea that each day upon waking, I could choose to know this and to operate from this space of being loved and approved of, no matter what my parents were saying or not saying. Because, she said, as a parent, it is virtually impossible to not approve of your children.
Oh. Hadn’t thought of that.
And she’s right. Of course my parents approve of me – they’re my parents. They are wonderful caring loving people who want the best for me. I however was too busy to notice because I was intent on ignoring that my issues are within me and the "stories" I've been writing all my life. The story in question has kept me locked in a repetitive cycle of Only Getting So Far. Didn’t Christina Aguilera sing “I’m sorry for blaming you for all the things I couldn’t do?” Gee, I’m not even the first one to come up with the “It’s my parents’ fault, not mine” argument. Which means (and here’s the bit I really didn’t want to hear), that I am the only one standing in my way and nobody else.
Oh god, how embarrassing.
So now (while cringing) I have to really look myself in the mirror with the knowledge that if there’s anything I want to achieve then I Can Do It. Aaarrrggghhhhh. The internal dialogue that has kept me “safe” all these years is now melting like the Wicked Witch of the West. If I’m completely in charge of my life then there’s absolutely nothing stopping me from doing or being anything I want?
As much as I want to crawl back into bed and pull the doona over my head with the excuse of “It’s almost Christmas, nobody starts anything now,” I fortunately hold a strong believe that Truth resides above all else, and those excuses that I appear to keep tucked into my Christmas stocking are not serving me. I’m not going through this process to continue doing what I’ve always done, I’m here to change my life and if that means facing my fears and doing things differently, then that’s the drill.
So, Cherry Blossom Butterfly Cakes, what is it you really want again? Well, first of all, I want to fulfill my dream of becoming All That I Am which includes being a millionaire blogger, running a successful healing practice, facilitating inspirational workshops and editing bestselling books.
It’s easy to see that the Universe has delivered unlimited opportunities for me to address all of those wishes – on many occasions – but rather than accept those opportunities with grace, I unwittingly searched for a reason why it wasn’t possible, therein jeopardising my own chance of success. Good one. My emotional knee jerk reaction was to believe someone else didn’t think it was possible, or “right” which allowed me to hold back in fear masking my defeat as someone else’s problem rather than just get on with achieving whatever it is I want.
So what if I choose to fully believe I can do this and take 100% responsibility for the outcome? What if I choose to feel comfortable during those times when it’s a little uncomfortable (or difficult) and still choose to take 100% responsibility for the outcome? Sounds a bit like all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other, keep an eye on my end goal and vision and just Be Me.
Alrightey then, I guess I’ll get my notepad out and get back to that To-Do list and start making some phonecalls.
Geez, this “becoming” stuff is so easy…