Sunday, 26 January 2014

Playing My Cards Right

Ever wondered what it is about someone that makes them attractive?

Having been single for over 4 years now, I've had a fair amount of time to ponder what attraction means to me. During my singledom I've met a variety of men: the gorgeous waiter with the brown eyes and trendy haircut, the 20-year old Swedish backpacker, the guy with the Aston Martin, and most recently, a professional soccer player.

During that time there's also been countless emails and "matches" from various online websites. Most of which seem to house men who either have the personality of driftwood or look like a serial killer.

When people ask why am I single, internally I laugh. Only someone who isn't on the current dating scene could ask such a question. "Oh, but you're attractive and fun and interesting," they say. "You'd have no trouble finding a man." And they're right. I don't have any problem finding men. Only thing is, the ones I come across make drinking a cup of peppermint tea feel like a chore and frankly, should never be allowed to create offspring.

We can thank Steve Jobs for making home computing what it is today, because if these guys weren't spending so much time updating their online profiles they might be out on the streets.

And that would be scary.

If you've read my previous blogs you'll know that in the past year I've actually only met one guy who I was genuinely interested in.


That's 50% less than two.

I'm no maths genius but even I have worked out that the numbers aren't great.

Every book I've ever read on dating talks about how women (if they want to marry) should play by a certain set of rules which include remaining mysterious, never calling a man before he calls you and being so busy he can't get a date with you for at least two weeks. I've tried and tried to make head and tail of this advice but time and again I end up thinking F*ck this, if I've got to play games in order to get married, I'd rather be single.

Especially if the guys who want to marry are the ones on eHarmony. We're already using up 50% more than our planet's resources can cope with. Thank God these men exist otherwise we'd be in a heck of a lot more trouble.

Friends have told me I should heed the rules, that I give too much away too soon, that maybe I should play my cards a bit closer to my chest.

Well, here's the thing: I have never played my cards close to my chest. My chest is a casino table and my cards are well and truly splayed out in a fan shape with a sign that says "Pick a card, any card…" Anyone who's actually game to pick a card is in with a chance. I mean if someone is too scared to come close enough to see what's in my deck, then they sure as heck aren't going to make it past date #1 and have absolutely no chance of passing Go or collecting $200.

To all those dating rule books I say show me a man who has the balls to be open with me and I'll play any game he wants. But he must have a community chest full of interesting layers and a stack of chance cards that leave me wanting to know more.

Too many times I meet men who I can box up and categorise within the time it takes to drink a flat white, which leaves nothing for me to discover. You're financially secure? I couldn't give a f*ck… You own three houses and love your kids? Good on you, your medal for man of the year is in the mail… You have a great job and like watching sport? Lovely, well, I like kiwifruit and had a shower this morning.


If playing the rules gets you a one-dimensional man then great, play away if that's what you want. But what I learned from the last guy I fell for is that multi-layers work for me. And regardless of how I'm supposed to "snag" a man, I believe some people are just meant to meet and get along; and for the record, the few men who interest me beyond a first date are far smarter than any rule book would give them credit for. I hope that any guy I click with has more depth than a paper cut and would therefore know they were being played.

But maybe (as friends tell me) that's why I'm single.

Well, I have one thing to say to that: Thank God.

Thank God for all the girls who play by the rules. Thank you for skimming some of the dead wood out of the dating game. A man who can be played by a woman who follows advice from a book that (shhh…) men can read too? No thanks.

A man who can operate from both male and female perspective and appreciates a woman with the courage and motivation to make her life her own? Yes please.

In summary: I'm at home on a Saturday night writing this blog because I choose to be. I had a date with the above mentioned soccer player booked for tonight (yes, really), but I cancelled and chose to have a date with myself instead. Mr Soccer Player is a nice guy: caring, keen, ambitious and tastier than a bar of Dairy Milk a week before my period. But I already knew who he was after the first date. Sure, there was more to learn but the layers weren't there.

And layers, it seems, are what I'm looking for.

I don't care if you're finically secure, have three houses and a boat, or won an award for being best striker in 2003. What intrigues me is knowing there is more to you than meets the eye. I want to come away from meeting a guy and not know who he is, yet know enough to understand that it could potentially take a lifetime to know him.

If I know everything about you in the first meeting then why would I bother seeing you again?

As for the rules, I'm making up my own and they go something like this:

1) Remain open to finding someone that interests me
2) Listen to my heart and only connect with men who I intuitively feel have something extra to offer
3) Be willing to spend time alone if my heart tells me my date is a no-go
4) Don't read anyone else's advice on dating; simply remain true myself

But what about meeting someone and getting married? Part of me is into that idea and part of me couldn't care less. I've never been a girl who dreamed of a white wedding and although I think it would be cool to share my life with someone, equally I have no desire to settle for a communion that isn't anything short of intriguing, inspiring and utterly fabulous.

My life is already those things so if anyone is going to be lucky enough to land the real estate on the other side of my bed, they will need to be bringing a whole lot more than an extra bag of laundry and a mortgage to the equation.

As for the law of attraction? I'm pretty sure my saying "no" to Mr Soccer and "yes" to an inspired evening watching Jobs the movie and writing this blog will get me a whole lot closer to meeting a true match than a thousand days spent on eHarmony or RSVP.

Yes, I know that Mr Right is unlikely to knock on my door, but when it's a given that a hundred Mr Wrongs are also lurking in the local bar, I think I'm making a good call by staying in every now and then and recharging my batteries with a good movie and some creative expression.

And speaking of batteries… I have some pressing business to attend to.


Tuesday, 21 January 2014

The Heartfield Approach

It's only January 21st and this year is already abound with opportunities.

With so much going on work-wise, I have felt like I need a way to keep myself in check. It would be easy to get carried away and lose focus, so, I recently decided to make a new daily practice.

My practice is to ask myself the following question: Am I doing everything I can to increase my business opportunities?

I currently have 3 businesses on the go: a meditation group called the Love Circle, a new massage and reflexology practice, and an online business called Each project is at a slightly different stage and each of them require regular tending otherwise there is a risk they will die.

But where to start? I've got a history of having at least two projects on the go at any one time and it can make it difficult to know which one to focus on. Having too much on your plate can lead to procrastination and a tendency to ruminate without actually taking action. Fortunately I'm a "take action" kinda girl, but with three streams on the go at once, I have found myself going somewhat round in circles. Hence, not doing everything I can to tend to my businesses.

So today I chose one project (my massage/reflexology practice) and did the following:

1. Checked in with my heart and soul.

Goal setting is all very well and I'm a great advocator of the volume model e.g send out 100+ letters to local GPs and chiropractors informing them of my new massage practice, then make phone call follow up list and cross fingers for 1-2% response rate. But today I took a "heartfield" approach. I figured my services are in line with a selection of specialist practitioners so I asked my heart to show me a connection that would prosper.

As I sat in my office (Gertrude & Alice cafe in Bondi), I stepped away from my Mac and spotted a business card that had been posted on their noticeboard from a local psychologist. Instantly my soul told me this was someone I needed to connect with. Trusting my intuition I researched their website and felt Yes, this is someone I align with. I subsequently emailed them and have offered to provide a complementary treatment with a view to being added to their referral list of allied practitioners and vice versa. I will call them later to follow up.*

Who knows if this person will feel the same alignment as I do, but I trust that my heart will always lead me in the right direction and I feel good about connecting with a therapist whose vision and message match mine.

2) I followed up on my To-Do list…

Second on my list was to Take Action. As well as contacting the psychologist I sent an email to the owner of the practice that I rent my massage room from with some marketing information for her next newsletter. Again, it's a simple step that has enabled me to tick something from my To-Do list and is increasing the energy I'm putting into my massage practice. Law of Attraction here I come.

3) Stepped outside my comfort zone

Every moment is an opportunity to meet someone and make a new client but it's also an opportunity to fulfill my personal vision: To Help As Many People Heal Themselves As Possible.

On my way to work this morning I passed a beauty therapist that I've known for 15 years. Her name is Judy and she is a truly angelic soul. Her partner is unwell at the moment and she had to close her business for a few weeks to look after him. She was opening shop as I walked past so I stopped to check in with her.

I could see a great sadness in her eyes so I gave her a hug. As a therapist Judy is naturally aligned to giving, but like many healers she is not so ready to receive. I know how she feels, although I've worked hard on learning to accept love from others. (Feel free to read any of my previous blogs for evidence…)

As we hugged I saw tears in Judy's eyes and I knew I had fulfilled my soul purpose by helping her to feel and know she is loved; and therefore helping her to heal.

In the past I would have left it there, but today I took that communication one step further. I told her I had opened a new healing practice and gave her my card. With love being the overriding motivation, I knew that it was OK at that time to offer my services to help heal her pain on a physical and emotional level through massage, reflexology and/or spiritual healing.

I no longer view my healing practice as a luxury and felt comfortable passing that on.

If any of us want to heal we need to make a commitment to doing so, and that includes treating our body and mind well. It also includes an energetic exchange: in most cases paying for whatever therapy we choose. What I offer is an incredible gift: I am lucky enough to have "healing hands" and an ability to understand people on a deeply kinesthetic level. I used to let my ego get in the way of that. I would regularly (albeit unconsciously) devalue my gift with an overriding thought of Who am I to heal others? That thought previously stopped me from promoting my services.

But really, who am I to not heal others? I'm a healer. I was born with this gift so my not promoting my services is actually doing a disservice not only to others but to myself.

What sort of egocentric tomfoolery is that?

We often consider the ego to mean bigging ourselves up, but it's also the opposite: belittling our talents and gifts because we've been led to believe that saying we're good at something means we think we're better than others. Not so. In this context the ego is the mind - your ideas and thoughts, but what about when there is a heart and soul being diminished as a result of those thoughts? That's also the ego at work.

Whatever your gift is, be it helping others, being a great writer, a closet artist or poet, having the ability to connect with people, being a great dancer or soccer player – whatever it is You Do Not Have The Right To Keep That Talent To Yourself.

We all have gifts and we must learn to openly use them.

Tapping into your uniqueness and acknowledging that who you are is a gift in itself can require a shift in consciousness. Take my friend Marc Nemorin for example. Marc is an incredible artist. Last year he recognised that his talent was laying dormant under a graphic design business (which he's also amazing at). Since releasing his gift from its box he has already created some amazing portraits that are selling like hotcakes. Just like Marc, I long thought that my innate ability to heal was something that was too easy for me and therefore not valid as a business and should remain small and hidden.

Luckily, I now see it differently.

With that in mind, I was able to lovingly offer my services today to someone in need. Whether they book in for a treatment is entirely up to them, but I can now sit comfortably in the knowledge that promoting my services is not something that I should hide. My gift, is just that: A Gift. I have many gifts and so do you. What are you doing about yours?

What innate gifts and talents are you hiding from the world for fear that you don't have the right to be amazing? It's probably something that is so easy for you and that you see as simply being part of who you are that you've boxed it up into a "Save For Retirement Hobby" fund. But I say open that box TODAY and look at those talents and gifts as gems, because that's what they are.

And just imagine, if we all played to our natural strengths with no fear of rejection, can you see how all our lives could turn around in a really positive way? And just think how HAPPY we'd all be!

I already feel blessed to have love what I do, but equally I'm looking forward to this new take on what is essentially my right to Be Me. If I can stay in a heart-centred space and simply let people know I am here if they want to heal then I figure the Universe will hear that call and rejoice in the fact that another person is willing to Be Free to Shine.

And on that note, I invite you to recognise your amazingness and let it out of the box. What are your gifts and when will you set them free?

Whatever they are, I'll be watching with a smile on my face as you open your talented heart and Shine.

* PS, Mary Sutherland (psychologist) contacted me an hour after I sent her that email. She came in for a treatment today and as far as I can tell, this could well be the start of a very special working relationship. [Insert HUGE thank you to the Universe here.]