Last week as I conversed back and forth with Mr RSVP I was so happy to have "met" someone who I found interesting. (If you missed my last blog you can catch up by reading Butterflies, Intimacy and a White Picket Fence).
That lovely feeling of receiving a ping in your inbox (so to speak) and a new message from someone you like is really uplifting. Even better, these weren't the standard emails I've received from previous cyber-suitors. These were colourful, engaging and lengthy messages. Amazing! A man who can communicate openly and freely and who by his own admission has "stars in his eyes." A romantic dreamer who likes to "talk".
Where do I sign…?
However, after a week of "love, life and butterflies" it has suddenly turned silent.
Yeah, in a "Gone Fishing" kinda way.
I should mention that Mr RSVP's last message to me did say that he was maybe planning a fishing trip this week, so it's possible that he actually has gone fishing. However, what I want to share in this blog is my reaction to his lack of communication.
When I didn't hear back from Mr R after two days, what became clear to me is that I had an attachment to the situation. Not to a specific outcome but an attachment to the idea that if I send someone I like an email, then I expect a reply. The hypocritical aspect to this is that I am sometimes guilty of not replying to people's emails for days (weeks even!). Usually because I've opened their message late at night on my iPhone and consider that I'll reply in the morning when I'm back at my Mac.
But what usually happens in those instances is that I answer their email or iMessage in my head and never actually send a physical follow up until it dawns on me that I totally forgot! So, just like Mr R I'm often the one that's Gone Fishing without leaving a sign on the door.
However, that never happens when I'm romantically interested in them…
It would be easy for me to feel rejected by Mr R's lack of communication, but surprisingly I don't. If this had happened a year or two ago I'm pretty sure my default setting would have been He Doesn't Like Me with one of those sad faces embedded at the end of the sentence.
I will admit that I was looking forward to reading his response (his emails are well written and are a joy to read). But the thing about this situation is that his "rejection" is allowing me to witness my own increased sense of Self Worth.
Yes, I am disappointed that he hasn't responded, and part of me wonders if I gave too much away (I did end up sending him the link to my last blog). Maybe my friend who I mentioned in If The Shoe Fits is right? Maybe I am a bit too much? Or maybe Mr R really did just go fishing?
Whatever the reason for his zero response, I still feel good about myself.
In fact every time I meditate at the moment, I hear the word "Trust". It's an incredible feeling to recognise that my happiness doesn't depend so much on the actions of other people any more. (Even if they are handsome and interesting). I have a far greater belief in the Universe and allowing whatever will be to just be.
Even more enriching is the fact that I have managed to stay true to my heart. Rather than feel rejected and deflated I simply followed up with a message to let Mr RSVP know that I had sent him a private email that may have ended up in his spam box. (Yes, I have seen He's Just Not That Into You…) Once I felt happy that I had fully expressed myself I Let It Go.
My purpose these days is to communicate from the heart, and if that's off-putting or too much for someone, then that's OK. I have no control over what someone else hears or understands, only what I say.
As I learned in India, the notion of attachment is one of the main things that leads to unhappiness. That and expectation: the two of which – in my mind – are closely linked. We become attached to an idea and expect a certain outcome. I liken it to an emotional A&E department. Attachment and Expectation or Accident and Emergency. Same, same.
Unconscious attachment is a difficult thing to let go of, (we're human, it's part and parcel), and from what I am coming to understand it has multiple layers. The top layer is the hope that you will receive what you wish for (an email reply). The middle layer is the idea that if you don't receive what you wish for that you are not worthy of that wish (He Doesn't Like Me). And right at the bottom lies the notion that your happiness is reliant upon how others respond in general to you (Nobody Wants Me), or how general situations turn out (Life Is Terrible).
I guess you could call these layers the hook, line and sinking feeling that we have when we are attached to people and things. But the great news is, that even when you still have a few hooks in your pocket (I will still be pleased if he sends me a message), it is possible to see that when you are hungry and would do anything to land a catch, it's also possible to be happy just sitting in the boat and watching the fish as they swim by.
And not that I'm an expert because this is ALL so new to me, but maybe by relaxing and focusing on the reflection of the sun on the water instead, it's possible that a fish might somehow find a way into your boat without your even casting a line. Or maybe I'm being ridiculously optimistic?
I guess what I'm saying is that as well as there being plenty of fish in the sea, and many ways to catch them, there is also a forest of fruits, nuts and berries to be eaten.
Only thing is, you can't pick fruit when you're hellbent on catching fish.
PS Wanna know the truth? I'm gutted : (
Like a fish! ; )