Wow, I just re-read my last blog post and
gee did that burn. I could feel the bitterness and resentment oozing from the
page like the aftermath of a vindaloo.
Where on Earth did all that sourness come from?
Taking a wild guess I’d say lack of Self Love
and the need to project my crap onto others in order to make myself feel
“right”, “safe” and “ok”. Hmm. Not sure that’s really working for me. Maybe
it’s time to try a different tack.
I’m currently in the UK staying with my
folks, but before I left for this trip, Jacqueline Harrison (author of the soon
to be released book How To Create A
Business From Nothing – and the reason I’m writing this blog), offered me
some advice. She very lovingly (and probably with some trepidation since
reading my last blog post) invited me to consider something that she warned “may
hit me between the eyes.” She invited me to consider that no matter what it may
look or sound like (to me), that my parents love and approve of me 100%. She
also offered the idea that each day upon waking, I could choose to know this
and to operate from this space of being loved and approved of, no matter what
my parents were saying or not saying. Because, she said, as a parent, it is
virtually impossible to not approve
of your children.
Oh. Hadn’t thought of that.
And she’s right. Of course my parents
approve of me – they’re my parents. They are wonderful caring loving people who
want the best for me. I however was too busy to notice because I was intent on
ignoring that my issues are within me and the "stories" I've been writing all my life. The story in question has kept me locked in a repetitive
cycle of Only Getting So Far. Didn’t Christina Aguilera sing “I’m sorry for
blaming you for all the things I couldn’t do?” Gee, I’m not even the first one
to come up with the “It’s my parents’ fault, not mine” argument. Which means (and
here’s the bit I really didn’t want
to hear), that I am the only one
standing in my way and nobody else.
Oh god, how embarrassing.
So now (while cringing) I have to really look myself in the mirror with
the knowledge that if there’s anything I want to achieve then I Can Do It.
Aaarrrggghhhhh. The internal dialogue that has kept me “safe” all these years is
now melting like the Wicked Witch of the West. If I’m completely in charge of
my life then there’s absolutely nothing
stopping me from doing or being anything I want?
Deep. Breaths.
As much as I want to crawl back into bed
and pull the doona over my head with the excuse of “It’s almost Christmas,
nobody starts anything now,” I fortunately
hold a strong believe that Truth resides above all else, and those excuses that
I appear to keep tucked into my Christmas stocking are not serving me. I’m not
going through this process to continue doing what I’ve always done, I’m here to
change my life and if that means facing my fears and doing things differently,
then that’s the drill.
So, Cherry Blossom Butterfly Cakes, what is
it you really want again? Well, first
of all, I want to fulfill my dream of becoming All That I Am which includes
being a millionaire blogger, running a successful healing practice,
facilitating inspirational workshops and editing bestselling books.
It’s easy to see that the Universe has
delivered unlimited opportunities for me to address all of those wishes – on
many occasions – but rather than accept those opportunities with grace, I unwittingly
searched for a reason why it wasn’t possible, therein jeopardising my own
chance of success. Good one. My emotional knee jerk reaction was to believe
someone else didn’t think it was possible, or “right” which allowed me to hold
back in fear masking my defeat as someone else’s problem rather than just get
on with achieving whatever it is I want.
Genius.
So what if I choose to fully believe I can
do this and take 100% responsibility for the outcome? What if I choose to feel
comfortable during those times when it’s a little uncomfortable (or difficult) and
still choose to take 100% responsibility for the outcome? Sounds a bit like all
I have to do is put one foot in front of the other, keep an eye on my end goal
and vision and just Be Me.
Alrightey then, I guess I’ll get my notepad
out and get back to that To-Do list and start making some phonecalls.
Geez, this “becoming” stuff is so easy…
Hannah, My heart is singing and I am dancing - YES!
ReplyDeleteYou have everything you need to be the success you dream of being. Hear your parents love, adoration and approval in everything they say and don't say as well as in everything they do and don't do.
I invite you to express your love and appreciation for your parents in all manner of words and actions during your stay. Leave them with the gift of feeling your presence, experiencing your enthusiasm for life and the joy of knowing that they got their job done. Go girl! Go, go, go!
Take action upon action to produce rock solid results, keep placing one foot in front of the other like you say until you fulfill your vision. It is within your reach, you know that now. Remember, the journey is your life. Enjoy every breath, every moment, every day!
X
I can't thank you enough Jacqueline. Your shared insight is now helping clear out some of my ancient thought patterns and it feels good. I'm still stumbling on a daily basis but now I'm able to observe myself and my own communication faults instead of automatically blaming my parents. It's a miracle! h xx
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