It’s the last day of November 2012 and I have just committed to smashing through my emotional glass ceiling and Becoming All That I Am. I actually even told someone I was going to write a blog about it. Shit.
The person I told is someone I have a lot of respect for. She’s a dynamic businesswoman and mother of two who has risen from the depths of adversity to such passionate and positive heights, that being around her is simply addictive. It’s a case of “I want whatever she’s having.” Incidentally, what she’s “having” is becoming an author. Coincidentally, I’m editing her book.
To explain: today I read the initial draft of Jacqueline Harrison’s book How To Create A Business From Nothing. I was so inspired that I suggested to Jacqueline that while I edit each chapter, I simultaneously set myself goals and work through her processes openly on a blog. There could be many benefits to this: early exposure for the book plus a real time case study and the first testimonial that the advice in the book really works. She concurred.
Part of me is softly cringing because now I have to put my heart and stomach where my words are and expose myself: flaws, dreams and all. However, a bigger part of me is gathering ropes, hooks and whatever those rock climbing cling-on things are called, and is squealing with delight, because FINALLY I am ready to climb to the top of Mount Hempenstall and take in a new view. Yes!
My soul already knows what it looks and feels like from up there, which is why I can feel streams of happiness and excitement coursing through my veins. My mind on the other hand has only partially experienced those giddy highs because it, in contrast, has been keeping my feet firmly on the ground. I thank my mind for that but it’s time I went off to become best friends with my soul.
So here goes…
First task is creating something from nothing. What do I really want to do with my life? The book suggests I spend about an hour contemplating what I want and journaling any limiting beliefs that come up. Okee dokes. I’ll be back…
[Roughly 1 hour time lapse]
It turns out my business dreams are four fold: 1) I want to write an enormously popular blog receiving 10,000 hits, or even a million! 2) I want to run inspirational workshops that help change people’s lives. 3) I want to build a hugely successful healing practice. 4) I want to edit a collection of bestselling books. Oh, and within all that, I want to be a millionaire!
Oops, did I really say that out loud…?
In real terms, I am partially doing all of the above, but none to any exceptional degree. Yes I am writing a blog – you’re reading it. Will it become hugely popular? Who knows? Am I running workshops? Not exactly, but I sent an email last week to some girlfriends about a women’s circle I want to start – so far I have two confirmed attendees – so I could call that a workshop of sorts. I also took on a casual rental for a room in a healing practice last month and so far have had four clients. Again, I’ve put motion to my idea but have yet to really get it off the ground. As for editing bestselling books: I have a good feeling about Jacqueline Harrison, and if this blog coupled with her words sells, well, then I can add a tick to that one too.
For now though, I’m pretty much at the starting point of all four business potentials. Oh, and as for being a millionaire. Um, yeah, not so much. Just to put rest any notion that I have oodles of cash floating around – I don’t. I am in debt to the tune of about $12,000 (car loan and credit card) and my 2012 tax return was AUD$47,000. Less than I earned last year, less than I earned eight years ago and roughly the same as I earned in 1999. Not an abysmal wage in and of itself – there are many people who earn less than that – but for someone with almost 20 years writing and editing experience, and numerous avenues for income, it’s fair to say I’m not exactly breaking any records here.
So why am I not where I want to be? As the chapter I’m editing recommends, next up is about sitting quietly and noting any negative beliefs that pop into my head during my goal setting. They went something like this…
I don’t have any cash flow so how can I do all the things I want to do? I’ve only ever got so far with my career goals and then they fall flat. I don’t have the right networks or connections. I’m not a good sales person. Standard excuses for many, I’m sure. But then, as I was about to finish up, I felt something rise from the pit of my gut: that very place that I usually fill with food. Initially it was faint and difficult to hear, but it slowly came to the surface. And when it did, I was shocked.
What surfaced was the realisation that if I really write the things I want to say, and really go out and Be Myself – my parents will disprove and reject me.
I’m still seeking parental approval?
Going into detail about the relationship I have with my parents is not for this blog post, but I suspect will be covered at some point. If seeking their approval is one of my blocks, presumably I’m going to need to unblock it aren’t I? Hmm, that’s gonna take some creative thinking for sure; and like I said, is for another time.
For now though, I allow myself to veer back to imagining the life I dream of. Because beyond my business goals are even bigger dreams of marriage and a beach house in Queensland, and two dogs and a yoga studio and on and on… but I feel rather than divulge all of that now, I’ll stick to the business goals and express more of the details as this process unfolds.
As I put this blog to bed I wonder; can I really get beyond whatever it is that has so far prevented me from reaching the incredible business success I feel is possible? I hope so. I’ve created a rough outline of what I want business-wise, and that was the initial task in the book. So far, so good. Tomorrow I’ll receive the next chapter from Jacqueline so that will provide me with more to work on and write about.
Until then, I feel it’s pertinent to wrap up with some words of gratitude: Mum and dad, I love you and I thank you for all you have done for me. Jacqueline Harrison, I am eternally grateful to you for having the courage to write your book. To anyone reading this, I thank you for listening to my story, and hope you stick with me through this journey. And last but not least, I give myself a big hug and a loving goodnight for being brave enough to publicly expose my dreams and fears.
We’re all in this life together, so I hope you get as much out of these stories as I do. Meantime, here's to yours and my business success and a bestselling book!