Do Millionaire Bloggers Procrastinate?

Right, I’m on a mission to blast old habits and become All That I Am using the techniques in Jacqueline Harrison’s book How To Create A Business From Nothing. But there seems to be a little problem.

Rather than act on one thing from each bullet point – the small task I set myself yesterday ­– I seem to have found a whole bundle of other things to do and so am a day behind my own schedule already. I could make excuses and explain that I did two healings yesterday, and therefore I’m on track towards my goal of running a successful healing practice, but I’m not sure I’m telling myself the whole truth here.

“Doing” is perfectly acceptable, (well done me) and yes I was exhausted from working 16-hour days for the past seven days straight, but I’m pretty sure I can smell something else here.

Fear.

Yes. And that’s a whoooole ’nother tale right there. Unfortunately for it (and me) I have a nose like a bloodhound.

Crap.

Even as I type, part of me is saying; but I have been doing so well and working sooo hard and I’m healing old wounds here, gimme a break. And yes, I understand all of that and I concede it to be true. Well done me. But I also know that underneath that version of reality is a playground of fear and deliberate self-sabotage, because part of me Just. Does. Not. Want. To. Play.

I can sense a childish quality to this aspect of myself, so I guess I need to handle it with parental care. Hmm, there’s that parental approval again, only now I’m the one providing the approval… Interesting.

I feel it apt to coax this little one’s fear out with some loving words and a lot of compassion. I mean, she (I) wouldn’t be so scared unless she felt there was something real to be scared of, right? Could this be the monster in the wardrobe I have been avoiding for so long? Is this the reason I’ve slept with the light on for a million years?* Ironically, any light that’s been shone in the hope of keeping the monster in the dark away, has actually only succeeded in keeping me from fulfilling my dreams. So, that didn’t really work then.

It’s time to find whatever kind of flashlight I need that can see under beds, and through the doors of my mind so I can uncover the beast that is blocking me from getting on with Being The Best Me I Can Be. After all, I’m the one that wants to be shining here.

Procrastination is a device we use when we lack confidence. It allows us to stay in our safe zone. My safe zone is wilder than that of other people I know and definitely includes elements of being a risk taker, but there I go again, justifying myself. Risk taker or not, I’m not where I want to be and not where I know I can be, so I have to smash this one in order to change the outcome, and stop justifying myself – to myself!

I’m actually experiencing a physical sensation here: the space between my diaphragm and belly button feels like it’s got a cabbage stuck in it. I can’t think of any better way to describe it. It’s a block. Now, I can feel my throat. I can sense a smaller cabbage – a Brussels sprout (!) stuck right there, blocking me. What are these blocks? They’re so subtle (until they’re not) yet they are there, as real as if I’d eaten a whole tray of muffins. Urgh. There’s that heavy, filled-with-food feeling again. Hmmm.

It may seem as though I’m going on a bit of a tangent here, but I do feel this is relevant. How, I’m not sure, but if something has been stopping me from reaching my full potential all these years, then it has to be well hidden, because I’ve done almost nothing but work on my own self development for the past 15 years. Anything that remains out of my sight must have found a very dark corner to hide in, because I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, let me tell you.

However, with a sense that writing this blog may have just wiped away enough of whatever it is I’m shielding from myself, I shall now open that list and begin working through each bullet point, one-by-one, just like I said I would. With a loving inner voice I am now telling myself I’m doing a great job and being really brave. It’s OK. It’s just a list and I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to put one foot in front of the other. I think.

Breathing might help.

*FYI, I don’t actually sleep with the light on.

Becoming a Millionaire: Step 2

If you’ve been following my blog you’ll know that I’m working through Jacqueline Harrison’s soon to be released book How To Create A Business From Nothing. The aim is for me to follow her advice and go from being $12k in debt to becoming a millionaire blogger (among other things).

She suggests working backwards.

The second piece of advice in Jacqueline’s book is about travelling to the end point of my business dream and working back from there. My interpretation of that is that I will create a step-by-step process that I can then follow. Hmm, sounds easy(ish), so here goes…

[End result]

So, first off, I can smell the beach from my home, which is also my office. I live in a gorgeous four-bedroom beach house in Queensland. I run a small yoga and meditation studio that’s housed in my backyard, and I have regular meetings with amazing people about inspirational and healing workshops from my home: both on phone, Skype and in person. My office has a window that overlooks the surf and it’s a lovely, calm and open space with plenty of natural light. My office is also where I write my hugely successful blog, although sometimes I do it while I’m at the airport waiting to catch a plane to Hawaii or Sydney for one of my workshops. I travel a lot. My husband is involved in the business and we often have people staying with us who are inspirational leaders. Mike Dooley, creator of Notes From The Universe is now a very good friend of mine, thanks to the success of the workshops, and Jacqueline Harrison has come to stay many times with her beautiful family. Oh, how I love being around her. The book went crazy and sold over a million copies! It became a New York Times bestseller, which we celebrated by spending 4 days on a catamaran in the Whitsundays.

Ooooh, well that was entertaining and it feels so real!

But, now for the work: so, I need to take a step back.

My interpretation of that is I need to break the whole thing down into bite-sized pieces. I am also thinking that my end result is very sensory. Maybe I was supposed to write it as more of a business plan? Maybe that’s my inner critic rearing its head again? I don’t know the “right” answer so I’ll carry on because this is fun, and surely becoming All That I Am should be fun? Right?

1)   4-bed beach house in Queensland. How much does a 4-bed property on the Sunshine Coast cost? How much deposit do I need to save? How much do I need to earn to get a mortgage on a place like that?

2)   Looks like the yoga and meditation studio is popping up here even though what I wrote in my initial business dream was to run a successful healing practice. Interesting. I guess I can take it that meditation classes might be where my healing practice is heading? Well, that’s what my end result looks like so I’ll need to ensure the house has enough space to build a small studio unless I can use one of the current rooms. I also need to find yoga students, so there’ll be marketing and networking involved. And I’ll need equipment: mats, blankets, cushions and blocks. And I’ll need to start a meditation group!

3)   Meeting with inspirational workshop facilitators. Need to build a network of people who do this. Need to get involved at ground level and learn the how’s and where’s of running said workshops. Locate people who might attend and learn how to market to them successfully. Speak to anyone I know who already runs successful workshops – what can I learn from them?

4)   Write the blog. Continue to write. Learn more about the art of successful blogging. Read other successful blogs. Speak to people about blogging and find out what they want to know/read. Study the stats of my blogs and understand which topics work best. Increase my audience through marketing, advertising and any other (currently unknown to me) methods.

5)   Travelling for work. Need to extend my business network to people in these areas. Who do I know who does business in Hawaii and Sydney? What are the requirements of doing business in these locations? How many workshops do I need to run before I can expand overseas? What topics will work overseas? How will I find this out? Need to do a lot of research here!

6)   Build a business relationship with Mike Dooley. Find out how to contact Mike. Do I know anyone that knows him? Attend one or more of his workshops and become more familiar with his work. Create a workshop that he might be interested in getting involved with. Email and tell him about my blog!

7)   Get Jacqueline’s book on the NY Times bestseller list. Find out what it takes to get a book on this list. Ask people in my direct network who work in book publishing how their authors reached this level of success. Ask other people in the industry for advice on how to leverage a book to this status. Expand my contact within the book publishing industry.

That’s some list!

I’ve written business plans before but I’ve never done it this way. This feels more like pleasure, and although the to-do list is pretty broad, I feel confident and comfortable that I can achieve at least some of them within a single phone call or internet click. What strikes me as interesting here is that my tone and mood are calm. I’m less jaunty and more serious. That’s not to say I will become a bore in order to make my business plans a success, but it’s interesting for me to note that my usual hippy chick, beach babe, make people (myself) laugh persona is not evident in these words. Instead, I sense a more adult and mature me. Perhaps a side of myself that has remained undercover, frightened of the real world and my potential success?

Well, well, I’ve learned a lot about myself already. How fascinating!

And now, I have a reasonably comprehensive list that is ready for me to open first thing tomorrow and get started on. What will I choose first? I think I’ll do something from each bullet point and go from there.

Boy, this feels good.

I’m being stalked. By a fly!

So there I am, happily out for my morning stroll. It’s about 5.45am and albeit a little bit sleepy, I’m enjoying the cool air and marvelling at the glorious golden sun that I can see rising over North Bondi. I’m relaxed and happy, listening to the birds chirping their morning hellos and loving life.

Until there it is. My peace has been disturbed. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz. Dammit, there’s a fly. I continue walking, considering my exciting new blog and fantasising about it becoming successful. But again, I’m interrupted. Bzzzzzzzzzzz. Goddammit, I think the fly is following me!

Suddenly, any inner calm I had enjoyed has been tipped out of sight and replaced with an inability to focus on anything other than the sound of this fly. Bzzzzzz. Good lord, how big is this bloody thing? It sounds like a jackhammer.

I’m still walking (admittedly, I’m now going a bit faster – I’ll outsmart him, I think to myself). But there he is again, buzzing like he’s got the most exciting piece of news to share and he really wants me to know about it. It seems that Flyan Seacrest here must be some hotshot celebrity reporter and the sh*t is going down in Flyville, because he’s not letting up. Bzzzzzzzzzzz.

If it was later in the day, the sound of this insect (who happens to have a drone as loud as a beast) would be drowned out by passing cars and real jackhammers, (we love a bit of roadside renovation in Bellevue Hill). But as it’s too early for most, this guy has absolutely no competition. It’s like an episode of X-Factor for flys. And so far there’s only one contender.

But then… hang on… the fly has gone! Yes! I outwitted him with my quick step and lost him, hurrah! Now I can enjoy my peaceful morning walk again.

Bzzzzzzzzzzz.

Whaaaaat? He’s back! Jesus, the damn thing must have been hitchhiking on my back. Urgh. Wiping his feet on my shoulders no doubt. He could even have been doing a tap dance – maybe this really is Australian Flydol?

I don’t think I’m alone in my dislike of flies. Even my dog (who is sadly no longer alive, bless him) used to go crazy if there was a fly nearby. He was a usually placid golden retriever, so it was hilarious to watch Dudley whenever a fly innocently buzzed its way into his personal space. With a jolt of the head, Dudley would prick up his ears and would rise from his resting place, quick smart, with a determined look of “I’m gonna get you, McFly”.

He’d race to the window (or wherever the fly was) and snap and snarl with teeth bared and fluffy tail swatting in time. It was game on! Often the fly would prevail and fly away (mission accomplished in my books), but sometimes Dudley would snap right on course at just the right time and Bam! Sayonara Mr Fly. God, how I loved that dog!

Before I have a chance to reminisce about Dudley, I’m quickly brought back to real time, as I hear the fly buzzing again. Damn. I turn corners with the agility of David Beckham, trying to lose my buzzing friend. It doesn’t work. What is with this thing?

I’m reminded of a time when another fly stalked me for days. Really. When I was 24 living in London, I swear for about three weeks there was a gigantic fly in my bedroom that would sit on my windowsill, motionless, until just before I was going to bed. That’s when it would attack. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz! As if on cue he’d take off from his perch and begin languidly flying around my room with what must have been a microphone tucked under one wing. He was the size of an A380 airbus but unlike the planes, this fella had complete disregard for air traffic restrictions (even Heathrow closes at 11pm). No, this mighty insect would take off and land numerous times throughout the night. Sounding just like a jumbo jet, he’d come swooping directly at me, buzzing over my head. I was terrified! Nobody had given him clearance to land, and the runway most certainly was not my face! Arrrghhhhh! I was haunted for weeks!

I don’t know why I didn’t swat the thing (maybe I did?). I can’t remember how I eventually got rid of it, but I can still to this day remember the feelings of being stalked by that fly. And now here’s another one, taunting me with the same cacophonic drone.

Bzzzzzzzz. He’s still here! I’ve been walking for about 30 minutes! We must have covered at least 3 kilometres! In my mind, I’m on the set of Rocky III. You know the scene where Coach is on a bicycle riding alongside Rocky as he runs, doing air jabs and uppercuts. Yeah, well, I’m gonna uppercut this fly if he doesn’t buzz the hell off pretty damn soon. I’m not coaching you to stardom mate. You are not the wind beneath my wings and the only one who’s gonna win this fight is ME! GO. AWAY.!!

Doesn’t he realise that I need to spend this quiet time manifesting my brilliant future? My morning walk is part of a daily meditation routine. I’m supposed to be feeling how wonderful it is to be healthy, wealthy and full of happiness, not being bothered by a creature with compound eyes and six legs. How the hell am I going to work out which Hollywood actress is going to play me in the movie of my life when I can’t hear myself think!?

At this point, my knees buckle and I burst out laughing. This is hilarious! I’m getting cross at a fly because he’s interrupting my dreams of the Hollywood screenplay of my blog! The blog, that up until an hour ago you couldn’t even subscribe to because I hadn’t worked out how to add the “follow me” button! Ha! Thank goodness nobody is around because they would have seen me lose my footing and crumble like a day old pastry into fits of giggles.

Amazingly, once I regained composure and came back to the real world, I stood there, and listened. They say laughter is contagious – must be true because a kookaburra has joined in. Oh, yes, I am just soooooo funny.

And the fly? Well, he obviously has no sense of humour.

He’s gone.

You’re On!

Gulp.

It’s the last day of November 2012 and I have just committed to smashing through my emotional glass ceiling and Becoming All That I Am. I actually even told someone I was going to write a blog about it. Shit.

The person I told is someone I have a lot of respect for. She’s a dynamic businesswoman and mother of two who has risen from the depths of adversity to such passionate and positive heights, that being around her is simply addictive. It’s a case of “I want whatever she’s having.” Incidentally, what she’s “having” is becoming an author. Coincidentally, I’m editing her book.

To explain: today I read the initial draft of Jacqueline Harrison’s book How To Create A Business From Nothing. I was so inspired that I suggested to Jacqueline that while I edit each chapter, I simultaneously set myself goals and work through her processes openly on a blog. There could be many benefits to this: early exposure for the book plus a real time case study and the first testimonial that the advice in the book really works. She concurred.

Part of me is softly cringing because now I have to put my heart and stomach where my words are and expose myself: flaws, dreams and all. However, a bigger part of me is gathering ropes, hooks and whatever those rock climbing cling-on things are called, and is squealing with delight, because FINALLY I am ready to climb to the top of Mount Hempenstall and take in a new view. Yes!

My soul already knows what it looks and feels like from up there, which is why I can feel streams of happiness and excitement coursing through my veins. My mind on the other hand has only partially experienced those giddy highs because it, in contrast, has been keeping my feet firmly on the ground. I thank my mind for that but it’s time I went off to become best friends with my soul.

So here goes…

First task is creating something from nothing. What do I really want to do with my life? The book suggests I spend about an hour contemplating what I want and journaling any limiting beliefs that come up. Okee dokes. I’ll be back…

[Roughly 1 hour time lapse]

It turns out my business dreams are four fold: 1) I want to write an enormously popular blog receiving 10,000 hits, or even a million! 2) I want to run inspirational workshops that help change people’s lives. 3) I want to build a hugely successful healing practice. 4) I want to edit a collection of bestselling books. Oh, and within all that, I want to be a millionaire!

Oops, did I really say that out loud…?

In real terms, I am partially doing all of the above, but none to any exceptional degree. Yes I am writing a blog – you’re reading it. Will it become hugely popular? Who knows? Am I running workshops? Not exactly, but I sent an email last week to some girlfriends about a women’s circle I want to start – so far I have two confirmed attendees – so I could call that a workshop of sorts. I also took on a casual rental for a room in a healing practice last month and so far have had four clients. Again, I’ve put motion to my idea but have yet to really get it off the ground. As for editing bestselling books: I have a good feeling about Jacqueline Harrison, and if this blog coupled with her words sells, well, then I can add a tick to that one too.

For now though, I’m pretty much at the starting point of all four business potentials. Oh, and as for being a millionaire. Um, yeah, not so much. Just to put rest any notion that I have oodles of cash floating around – I don’t. I am in debt to the tune of about $12,000 (car loan and credit card) and my 2012 tax return was AUD$47,000. Less than I earned last year, less than I earned eight years ago and roughly the same as I earned in 1999. Not an abysmal wage in and of itself – there are many people who earn less than that – but for someone with almost 20 years writing and editing experience, and numerous avenues for income, it’s fair to say I’m not exactly breaking any records here.

So why am I not where I want to be? As the chapter I’m editing recommends, next up is about sitting quietly and noting any negative beliefs that pop into my head during my goal setting. They went something like this…

I don’t have any cash flow so how can I do all the things I want to do? I’ve only ever got so far with my career goals and then they fall flat. I don’t have the right networks or connections. I’m not a good sales person. Standard excuses for many, I’m sure. But then, as I was about to finish up, I felt something rise from the pit of my gut: that very place that I usually fill with food. Initially it was faint and difficult to hear, but it slowly came to the surface. And when it did, I was shocked.

What surfaced was the realisation that if I really write the things I want to say, and really go out and Be Myself – my parents will disprove and reject me.

Oh.

I’m still seeking parental approval?

Wow.

Going into detail about the relationship I have with my parents is not for this blog post, but I suspect will be covered at some point. If seeking their approval is one of my blocks, presumably I’m going to need to unblock it aren’t I? Hmm, that’s gonna take some creative thinking for sure; and like I said, is for another time.

For now though, I allow myself to veer back to imagining the life I dream of. Because beyond my business goals are even bigger dreams of marriage and a beach house in Queensland, and two dogs and a yoga studio and on and on… but I feel rather than divulge all of that now, I’ll stick to the business goals and express more of the details as this process unfolds.

As I put this blog to bed I wonder; can I really get beyond whatever it is that has so far prevented me from reaching the incredible business success I feel is possible? I hope so. I’ve created a rough outline of what I want business-wise, and that was the initial task in the book. So far, so good. Tomorrow I’ll receive the next chapter from Jacqueline so that will provide me with more to work on and write about.

Until then, I feel it’s pertinent to wrap up with some words of gratitude: Mum and dad, I love you and I thank you for all you have done for me. Jacqueline Harrison, I am eternally grateful to you for having the courage to write your book. To anyone reading this, I thank you for listening to my story, and hope you stick with me through this journey. And last but not least, I give myself a big hug and a loving goodnight for being brave enough to publicly expose my dreams and fears.

We’re all in this life together, so I hope you get as much out of these stories as I do. Meantime, here's to yours and my business success and a bestselling book!